Heavy Heart

As usual, I got up this morning after my 4am treatment, turned on my phone and started my morning routine.  

But this morning, instead of all the usual happy things hitting my facebook feed, I saw quite a few sad posts.

Posts that weren't from my friends...they were from friends of one of my Facebook friends.

The CF Community lost another precious life.

I didn't really know him.

I never actually met him.

We never spoke outside of facebook.

But my heart hurts...

for him...

for his family...

for his fiance...

for the CF Community in general.


As I get older, now that I'm a wife and a Mom...my health and making it a priority is very different than it used to be.

And not that I never thought it wasn't a priority before, it certainly was.

But I see things a bit differently now.

I probably shouldn't.  

I should have seen my health, and the things I do as being important for other reasons before.

But I'll be honest.  

Before, I looked at what I did (or didn't do) to maintain my health as something that was only going to hurt me, no one else.  

It's true that my failing health would primarily hurt me, but secondarily it would hurt my parents, sister, brothers-in-law, sisters-in-law, nieces and nephews, husband, and now Bert Gert.

Recently I've been very intentional about doing everything I'm supposed to do.

Since my freshmen year in college (when I went in the hospital after getting UBER sick), I have been extremely purposeful about doing my treatments daily.  It started at once a day for 30 minutes, then I bumped it up to twice a day...then my timer on my vest broke, so it was 45 minutes twice a day.

If I was sick, or coughed a lot, I'd do it more.  

I did my inhalers and my nebulizer treatments as well.

I was diagnosed with CF related Diabetes my last year in college.

I've never been good at monitoring this.  Partly because it really only seemed to be an issue when I was sick....and partly because, Seriously????  It's just one more thing to have to do.

So I've been very intentional now about taking my enzymes when I eat, and checking my blood sugars and taking insulin now.  

I'm playing softball with a church Co-ed league, and I'm working out twice a week after school on top of that.  I hope to increase this once I get used to that schedule to begin with.

I'm pretty much a HOT WET MESS...but I'm trying to work on that.

In general, I don't feel bad.  

I think I'm pretty "healthy" for a 33 year old living with CF.

But I don't always do the best job at maintaining the best health for me.  

I'm trying hard.

I have to!


Please don't misunderstand me...in no way do I mean to imply that Kyle didn't do what he was supposed to do, or should do to maintain his health.

I know he did.

CF is a part time job to begin with. 

And even when we do EVERYTHING, exactly right, and go above and beyond....

We still get sick...

We still cough for a few hours during and after treatments (at times)...

We still have to go on IV medications...

We still have to go in the hospital at times...


And that SUCKS!!!!!!!

There's nothing worse than feeling like you're on top of things, doing everything you're supposed to, trying your best in that moment, and finding that your Pft's have dropped.

CF tries everyday to break us down.

to suck the life out of us.

It never stops...

So we can't ever stop!


Dear Kyle,

  I didn't know you personally...but we had a special connection that only people with CF have.  We know personally the ups and downs of living with CF.  Fighting every day.  Fighting on the good days and fighting on the bad.  Doing whatever we can to breathe a little easier, to put on a little weight, to live as normal a life as we can, in spite of all the abnormal things we deal with that others don't.  I'm sad for you, that your new lungs didn't work out like you, I, and everyone in this special community hoped they would.  I'm sad for your family, that they've lost someone so very precious to them.  I'm sad for the CF Community, and that we have lost another wonderful member of our family.  
  At the same time, I'm so happy that you are now breathing easy.  I'm so happy that a nasal cannula, nebulizer, percussion, FEV1, and a million other CF related things are no longer a part of you.  I'm so happy that you now have the ability to do everything your gunk filled CF lungs tried to hold you back from.

Breathe easy my friend.  Run, jump, dance, paint, enjoy the pure oxygen and deep, full breath of life that you now get to experience.  Oh...and put in a good word with God, ask him to bring a cure fast.

Love,
Holly


To help find a cure for Cystic Fibrosis, please visit www.cff.org to make a donation.
 



 

Update our life as 5 (I include the ducks in that number)

As you can imagine...life has been a bit of fifty shades of Cra, since Bert Gert joined the fam.

I'll be honest, this hasn't been an easy transition, probably for all of us.

But at the same time, because of meeting her before, and having visits, I think it was as good a transition as anyone could ever ask for. 

I don't know about Chris, but I would say the transition was probably harder on me than on B.G.  We went from no kids, to a walking toddler....Yikes, how'd we do that?!?!?!?!?!

But, she is an amazing girl, and I couldn't be happier to be her Mommy.

I haven't updated in a while because, well...

It seems like there's been so much that has been going on, but also it seems like there's not a whole lot new to tell you all at once.

We've been continuing to get used to life with a 17 month old.  What that means for us as parents, and what that means for her as our daughter. 

I have to give MAJOR props to my super HOT HUSBAND!  He is a SUPER HOT DAD too, and he's doing an AMAZING job!  I couldn't have asked for a better partner in life, and I couldn't have asked for a better Dad to my children.  We are most definitely a team, and as Brandon reminds us often, we are unstoppable.


So, the most recent news...

At the beginning of June was supposed to be termination court.

Turns out it was scheduled for 1/2 a day, and not a full day...so they all went, but just to reschedule, and to schedule a mediation date.

Mediation means:  We all (with attorneys) sit at a big table and say, here's what we are willing to offer you, and in return you (bio parents) sign over your rights.

Or so we originally thought.

Turns out, they don't sign over their rights, they just sign consents that B.G. can be adopted.

SO...Chris and I decided not to offer anything at mediation.


Bio parents signed general consents anyway!!!!


You're totally thinking this is a major Woo Hoo, right?  

It sort-of is...

Because this doesn't mean they've terminated rights...they still have parental rights.

Which means, we still have to ask permission to cut her hair, or take her out of the state, and they still have visits with her...until rights are terminated.

Rights won't technically be terminated now until the finalization of the adoption.

Which won't be until September at the earliest.

However, CHINS (Child in need of services) court is scheduled for this coming Thursday, and because they signed consents at mediation, it is being petitioned that all services and visits be stopped.

We are working our way to finalization, but we still have a few roadblocks to get through.


So that's the update.  Please keep praying for the whole situation.  For B.G. and us with these (hopefully) last few visits, and that court on Thursday goes well. 

Thanks friends and family!

 

Right Now...

~ I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting on Bert Gert's family visit to get over, so we can go home and go to sleep.

~ I'm feeling so blessed to be this sweet baby girls Mom, for as long as God allows me to be.

~ I can't wait to pick her up and see her smiling and waving excitedly that I'm there.

~ I keep replaying in my head, when the supervisor came and got her, and she turned around, looked at me quizically, and then smiled and waved at me...her way of saying, "I'll miss you!"

~ I'm hoping my HOT husband is feeling much better.

~ I can't wait for TOBI inhaled powder to go on the market so I can say "Good Riddance and good bye" to TOBI (via nebulizer) FOR-EV-ER!

~ I can't believe it's been almost a month that Bert Gert has been in our home.

~ I wish my HOT husband was here with me.

~ I'm glad it's Wednesday night and I only have 2 more days to work this week.

~ I'm thanking God...for the blessings in my life...and I'm recognizing that He is the one who has provided me with such a wonderful life.

Inquisitive minds want to know...Excited parents want to tell!

My HOT husband is the master at posting vague things on facebook.

I don't have a problem with this.  Sometimes we both like to see what people will say and then we just chuckle in the background because NO ONE  knows what's going on and it's driving them crazy (more specifically my Mom...tee hee)!

So anyways...Tuesday I posted a vague status of my own, and I tagged Chris in the post.

I'll be honest, "Drop your beads Frank, our prayers have been answered!" is the punch line to a joke.  HA HA (said with the enthusiasm of the 'dramatic reading of a real break up letter' guy)

But the truth of the matter is that I did post that because prayers were most definitely (said with James Earl Jones voice) answered!

Many of you don't know, Chris and I were contacted in late October about a possible adoption opportunity.  We've been in contact with some amazing people since then.  They've been caring for a child in Department of Child Service's care, and the plan was changed to Adoption. 

So...Chris and I started back at the beginning.  We had to re-do all of our background checks, paperwork, home visit and home study in order to become Licensed Foster Parents.

Tuesday at 3:15 I was jammin' to some awesome 80's music on my way home when the phone rang.  It was the DCS caseworker, and she dropped the bomb that Wednesday (yes the very next day...not even 24 hours later) at noon we would be picking up this sweet girl.

We met her for the first time in January and have spent some time with her since, so she isn't new to us...we aren't new to her.  But being together 24/7 and learning how we all fit as a "family" is new for the 3 of us.

We call her our daughter, and refer to each other as Mom and Dad.

"Bert Gert" is 14 months old, and is absolutely GORGEOUS!!!! 

We are so excited to have her home.

We won't go into details about what has led her to our home...I'll only say that her birth parents have made some decisions that have caused them to currently be unable to care for her. 

We hope that they're able to learn from those decisions and do better in the future.  DCS is willing to give them the chance.  If things continue as they have, sometime between June and August we will be able to adopt her.

Oh, and because we are fostering to adopt (and aren't able to adopt immediately) we will not be posting pictures on facebook (DCS rules).

So if you want to see her or meet her...I guess you'll have to schedule a visit (you come over unannounced and wake her from her nap and I will come at you like a spider monkey)!

Thank you for all of the prayers!  Keep them coming.

Our greatest prayer is that God will be the number one director in "Bert Gert's" future.  We know he has a plan for her life.  We pray that future includes us...but if not, we pray that future is filled with love, happiness, safety and security for her. 

Yep...I'm now a Mom!

You have WHAT for sale?

 


Sometimes I like to check out Craigslist to see what's for sale.

Sometimes I find some cool stuff...but more often I find some stuff that makes me question humanity.  

Seriously???  Where do these people get this stuff?

Or better yet, what made them EVER look at these items and think, "OH MY GOSH!!!!  I HAVE to have that."  And then they actually purchased it.

And then there's the ones that have something pretty cool, but come on...there is NO way it's worth the price you put on it.  

So here are a few "gems" I've recently found for sale on Craigslist.

I'm starting our little treasure trove in the Antiques section:
 
~  This is a Hamilton Beach Shake Mixer...I think it's circa 1941 or so.

 

It's in great shape, I'll give them that.  And apparently it still works.  

But good heavens, it's marked at $495.00

Four HUNDRED and ninety-five dollars!!!!!!!!!! 

The same person has a 1970 Hobart 5qt. mixer for sale for $1200.  

All I have to say is that those shakes and baked goods better taste like they came straight from heaven above if you're gonna spend that much money on the machines used to mix them up.

 ~ Antique hand carved Chinese Oxbone Boat





 

Now, I can appreciate the time that it took for someone to hand carve this boat...but I have to tell you, this ranks high up on my "That is the most hideous thing I have ever seen in my ENTIRE life" meter.  Seriously...it's horribly ugly.

Want to know something that's even more hideous???  

The price tag on this baby is $2500.00! 

And get this...the person selling it says in their description, "I don't really want to get rid of this, but I found out how much it's worth, so I decided to try and sell it."

Heads up dude:  You're getting your wish, because NO ONE I know would be willing to drop $2500 on this thing.

~ WANT TO BUY!!!!

"A porcelain Buddha - will pay fair market value"

Is there a market for porcelain Buddha statues?  

~ Brass giraffes or camels

$150 each.  There's no picture of these...I just can't imagine how awesome some brass giraffes or camels would have to be to spend $150 on them.  


Let's move on down to "free" items

~ Free bread

I kid you not, this is the very first entry when I clicked on "free".  Hmmm....

~ Horse Manure

I $#!* you not!!!!

~  Toilet

No matter whether it's free or $500, putting someone's used toilet in my house creeps me out a bit.

~ Free Art on your wall

Before you see one of the pics this person posted.  Please know that the idea behind this dude's reason for posting this is really pretty cool.  But the "samples" he posted are UBER creeptastic...




See what I mean?  

"Oh look honey, just what we've been searching for.  A dude with a bullet hole in his forehead for above the mantle."

Actually, now that I look at that closer, it may be a 3rd eye, not a bullet hole.  

THAT changes everything!


Now let's take a gander at what people are looking to purchase:

~ Underwear or Panties????

I truly don't know what to say about this.

I...

~ "I need somebody that knows how to do good tattoos"

I guess if you're looking for "good tattoos" you can be pleasantly surprised should the tattoo turn out AWESOME!

~ Newborn/Infant  (for photo shoots...but still, it's a little funny to post that)

~ hot dog cart

~  Porkrind pellets (to use at home for a snack)


On second thought...I should've titled this post "Craigslist Creepers"